uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

so that was christmas.... being up here in Ottawa

has been really good.... until last night...which was christmas night...
i don't even know what to say. had dinner with emily's family christmas eve..played trivial pursuit 90's and cranium.... then breakfast there christmas morning. they opened their presents and stockings (i got kinder surprises in my stocking :)) and watched the hangover....

the plan was to then go to B's for christmas dinner and to stay there for the night...celebrate his birthday in the morning...and then his dad would come to pick us up in the afternoon to go out to his place, in Arnprior... but that didn't exactly,er, happen....

long story short, B's mom doesn't like me. even though I was nothing but respectful and helped out with christmas dinner and washed all the dishes after and everything... she said some very mean, hurtful things to Brendan that he won't tell me.... which I can only imagine, and its not hard to figure out what she said from the general gist of conversation during the day....
She seems to think that Brendan isn't going anywhere with his life...putting down his work and the fact that he didn't finish school...then she asked all kinds of questions about my schooling and life and plans and things.. and basically i'm not good enough for her baby boy who isn't good enough for her.
fucking hell...
So..she said all this to Brendan and more and when he came back downstairs... honestly i have never seen B so angry. he was just shaking everywhere... he called his dad and asked if he could pick us up in the morning and then if we could stay sunday as well because "we are not staying here ever again" (at his mom's)... so when we get back on monday morning he's just going to come chill at emily's will be until we go to the train station...
it was a huge snotfest on a niagra falls scale...and i called emily to come pick me up last night instead of staying over... I just could not stay in his mother's house, with her so clearly hating me, and he didn't want to stay either but it was his birthday in the morning and couldn't do that to her...
I really wish he'd tell me what she said...probably that I'm a fucking stoner loser artsy fartsy deadbeat who's going nowhere fast and will never amount to anything,who's dragging him down and isn't good enough for him, isn't smart enough, won't have a good career, and probably that i'm a whore and whatever else....

She asked when, or if, i was going to graduate, because brendan didn't and I told her politely that I was due to graduate next june, but that a lot of people in our field don't graduate because they end up getting good full time work... and she cut in that brendan' doensn't work full time. I said that he got a lot of calls. and she said yes, by working very hard he got "gigs" "moving around furniture and things"... and i told her it was more than that, basically just being a part of makings hows happen. that you don't need a degree these days for what we do, its if you have the talent and the passion for it... and she said in her opinion you didn't get a good job without a degree... and i said in that vein, for a "good" job, you need three degrees and that it wasn't reasonable. she didn't say anything else for a while. But fuck, i'm not going to sit there while she bashes what brendan loves to do.. which is make plays. he doesn't care what it is he's doing, as long as he's making them happen. and shit, bitch, how  can you not see that your son is made HAPPY by what he loves and is doing what he loves? that should be good enough for her, but it isnt. he isn't good enough in her eyes, and neither am I, and i am really mad.
some people just don't GET it... there is a difference between being rich and being happy. I would rather be happy in my life and relationships than richer than everyone else. I consider myself rich in friendships and rich in the love that i get to share with everyone all the time...
I'm putting myself through school because my parents can't afford it, and i've worked my butt off to get into a program people said i wasn't cut out for, i'm supporting myself and i'm enjoying it. it has its moments, but i'm enjoying it.
stupid fucking people.... life isn't just about getting a degree and a desk job that pays you a salary.
its about living and enjoying it and frankly, i don't think his mother is anyone to judge. a) she seems bitter and kind of unhappy. b) she couldn't even manage to have a happy relationship with brendan's father, so how can she tell B i'm not good enough, when he's grinning from ear-to-ear at me all the time? more like she's jealous that he gets along with me and not her... jeeze.
of course i don't actually KNOW any of this.. this is just me venting about a horrible situation that shouldn't have happened on christmas.
My sister-in-law picked me up and we pulled into the empty parking lot ( i have never seen a closed mcdonalds before) and cried for half an hour. Me because i had been trying really hard not to bawl in the house, and her because she had sped to brendan's imagining the worst (that he had broken up with me on christmas and she wanted to punch him) and thinking that my brother was going to kill her when he got home...and then she decided she was never having kids because she didn't want to have to get that "um...can you please come get me" phone call from her daughter EVER.
sister bonding, i guess? we ate cookies and I vented and then she made me laugh again and we went home. Brendan gave me all the pot. so when we got back i smoked the hugest bowl to my face and passed out.

I had nightmares...but the crazy cats chased them away in the morning. oiy.

So now its B's birthday... and he loved the ring and card :) and i'm waiting for him and his dad to come get me... and i'm hoping he's ok because last night he was a wreck.

p.s. his mother had the audacity to say she couldn't beleive he sent me home "just because of that"....
Woman? you are either crazy or not taking your medication. holy crap.

I've never had someone's mom not like me before!.... parents usually love me!.. jeeze... yeah....