where do I start....

I feel like I unknowingly stepped onto one of those moving sidewalks in the airport, only its my life instead.

Everyone around me is so unhappy with their lives... I almost feel guilty being unhappy with my own life, 'cause worse things could clearly happen...

getting better all the time

Yeah, so I know i've been pretty whiney and ranty and all recently, but honestly life is not so bad right now. In fact, I've been really rather surprised with myself when runing into people on campus that I havn't seen for a while. the words "Good! really great, actually" just seem to spill out between my teeth. For me the question "how are you?" has become one of those questions to which i generally respond with my immediate gut feeling or reaction, like how am I at that exact point in time-freeze-go.
It is so rare though that people actually want to hear how you are, as I've realized from years of experience in customer service and people control. "how are you?" is just an automatic response to a hello or another kind of greeting. ritually most people recognize this in daily interactions, and respond with a quick "good, you?" or "pretty good, yourself?" before carrying on with their lives, not waiting for a response.
this bugs me, as i am always genuinely interested in how someone is doing, so I always try to really listen, and therefore always really reply. It is not unusual to hear me complain i guess, because of that, though i hope i'm not a negative nancy all the time.
but anyway, i'm just amazed that my first response is a positive and genuinely happy one. yeah little shitty things happen some days, but underneath it all, stuff is pleasant, and downright enjoyable.
i'm a little weirded out! I shouldn't be, but its been a while since i last remember this being a constant state of emotion. maybe its because i'm taking less medication, or maybe its something i'm doing different, like biking places or who i'm around or something. I don't know, i just hope its not me being manic or hypo-manic and just not picking up on it until after (as usual). I need to make sure not to take on too much, just in case i am in a state of mania and find out all this confidence and organization is gone in a matter of weeks.
note to self: look out for rash decisions, pick up, and hope for chill.

This is what my mom wants to pilot. Ladies and Gentlemen, meet the Herc. 

Also, prepare yourself for pictures.

tuesday night

i managed to get rid of my afternoon shift tommorrow... so I have nothing to do until 6 PM thankfully. My boss booked me for so many more hours this week than i am usually available because of the stupid jewish holiday and every other partner needing the damn day off.
went to a store meeting at "HQ" tonight, aka the North York Civic Centre. bleh... 3 hours of bullshit about our new product of ready-to-brew single packets of coffee. yep, Starbucks is entering the instant coffee market. who cares? not you, my friends, but its okay, if you're lucky you'll get some for free anyway.  Basically we're all supposed to be coffee pushers. anytime! anywhere! blah de blah dee blah! fuckity this shit.

So I got a phone call today from my mother..its way too expensive to fly me down for the thanksgiving weekend.... since it'd be about $550 for three days, two of which i would be in transit. I agree, fucking expensive! But so long story short, I'm not going to saskatchewan for thankgiving. I'm also not going to my dad's? as he and Sharon are supposedly going down to Virginia to visit her family.
hold up, doesn't little E live in Virginia?  Imma try, but I doubt they'd let me tag along.... there probably wouldn't be enough room for the dogs if i came. it would be sweet, even if i was with my dad and sharon.

but so yeah.... I'm not going anywhere for thanksgiving. time to see who else is in my boat! I can't do the pilgrim thing, but i make a pretty good Tiger Lily.

Watching travis kravis and sarah play Smash Bros on the 64....the night, at least, is winding up nicely.  DJ Chanti is trying not to give herself a headache....

I finally picked up an agenda today, so i'm not running around clueless anymore without my cell phone.....

I forget what i wanted to babble about, goodnight

Pressurize

Its not anything against my roommates... I just want to move. Seeing everyone else pack up and move was hard....but now that I see all of their new places, it makes me really happy for them. They're all so clean and bright and full of new energy and opportunities. meanwhile back at the ranch I have people still leaving their empty cigarette packs on my drafting table and empty pop and juice bottles on the floor, dishes on the coffee table, and Xbox controllers lay where they were discarded the night before. I vaccummed, two days later you couldn't tell because there were chips and icing and who knows what sprinkled and ground into the carpet all over again.
Every morning I come downstairs, sigh, and start picking up the cushions from the floor and putting them back on the couches. Is it really so hard to return a place to neutral after you've pissed around in it for a night? it takes 30 seconds to throw out your garbage, wipe off the coffee table and put your games away.
I've resorted to leaving my drafting table covered in junk--my own junk--so that there was no room left for people to leave their dirty dishes and garbage as they pass by. But how am I supposed to use my workspace if im leaving it cluttered to fend of other people's shit?
then theres the towel issue. I seem to be the only one that every washes any towels.... and the only one that uses them more than once. I know this because when I go for a fresh one, they're all gone.....and by gone i mean crumpled on the floor behind the bathroom door. AUGH